Seejay A | Seejay B | Seejay C | Seejay G
(Math Of Merry Christmas) 25/12/'03 PRETTIER THAN YOU DARLING Short Story written by a Degree Student
"She... went to Church... Darling", Rani's mother was talking with her husband... on a fine fresh morning...; he was having a cup of tea... at the kitchen...; and she was busy making chapatti. "No use of going for the Mass under somebody else's compulsion... I say don't...", Rani's father was angry; ... he was interrupted by his wife, "No, dear... She is now a different person; goes to Church daily, by herself.... Everyday, gets up by five o' clock!... Takes bath in cold water too!!..." She merrily elaborated all that to her husband who had reached home from abroad just on the previous day - taking a month's leave.... "Oh Yes!!!", he joyously exclaimed. "She who used to get up only by eight o' clock!" He was surprised.
"Thank You Jesus, at last You heard my prayer..." Rani's mother, out of her great religiosity uttered...
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Rani kept that secret to her heart. She wanted to see Raj, who she knew came to church daily for the Mass.
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Rani was a pretty slender girl of 20, of becoming character and complexion. Her sweet voice enraptured everyone; she was the leader of the college music troop. She was doing her final year degree course.
Rani was a voracious reader. Unlike other girls she had 'problems' concerning life and living; a lot of her questions remained unanswered.... It was music alone that kept her spirit up.... She was often found in her room playing Veena.
Raj, a handsome young man of 24 years of age, was MA final literature student. He was also from the same place.... Though jovial and sociable with all, he did not have many close friends from the locality. He talked the minimum.
'But he is a special kind in many respects'. His neighbors whispered in their mind, and some of them began to watch him, and inquire about his personal life.
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Rani wondered why she liked Raj so much who did not seem to have any special affinity for her.... She was charmed by Raj; she wished to see him often.... but never expressed it ....
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As days moved on her wish to talk to Raj became stronger; and that 'wish' became powerful and overpowered all the other forces in her. She decided to meet him... but did not know 'how'... On a few occasions, when she saw him, she smiled, but Raj did not even notice her, except once... when he had just looked intensely at her eyes... then Rani's smile also got disappeared from her face, though she could not withdraw her eyes from him as if it had got hooked somewhere about Raj...
Rani was aware of an intense urge for 'something beyond' in her; and she found it somehow satisfying in Raj ... through Raj! She became more and more alive to herself and discovered new phases of joy in her soul... Though the thought 'Raj has someone else, so he doesn't care for me' came to her mind, she did not accept it. Something from within her, strong and deep, was pleading against it....
Another day when Rani smiled at Raj, he also smiled... and Rani got addicted to that smile. To her the whole heaven and earth was reflected there ... knots of her soul ... was getting loosened. Tensed and almost breaking nerves in her got relaxed, and she heard vividly its 'gong' sound of relaxing ... Rani felt easy, happy and sweet ....
Her longing for Raj was not anything physical/sexual, though 'sex' too was there. She found a 'mystery' about Raj, of unending dynamism; it penetrated every bit in her and reached the core of her being!
She longed to see him and remain in his presence ... She thought she could keep on looking at his eyes/face any length of time ... until the end of time.
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'Nowadays Rani is more agile! Lively! Pleasant!', her sisters noticed.... Their mother who was brought up in a religious family agreed and said, 'it is because she goes for the daily Mass'. When reached home after the Mass, Rani used to be in her best of moods ... Rani's mother was overjoyed to see that! At the remote corner of her mind a dream was well sprouting, '... who knows my daughter won't be a saint some day!!!'
Was it only a dream? Are not such 'dreams' truer than the 'true' things we see, hear... ?
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Days, weeks and months ... moved on. 'I will talk to Raj', Rani decided again. Then it was more than a decision,... thirst, need, and urge of her soul.
One day she saw him at the park, Raj was sitting on a bench alone... Rani escaped her friends and... sat near him... Both smiled ... Then Rani, without introduction talked in her soft, clear voice, a little excitedly, 'Raj... You are a great personality, beautiful ... I like you! I love you...!' Her voice became feeble, and feeblest while uttering the last sentence, and then she was not aware of anything at all, not even what she was saying - her face was like that of a innocent child... She was trying to put in words, what her mind and heart were brimming over with.
After a pause she became self-confident, and continued in her shivering voice, 'Will you not marry me ...' But Raj remained quiet, looking at her face deeply .... Rani became impatient, and dazedly cried out 'Am I not pretty Raj!! Why ... can't you ... won't you ... marry me? ...' Raj's response was unexpected and unintelligible to her... She had thought Raj would be overjoyed to marry her... she being the prettiest daughter ... of her rich parents. 'You are a pretty girl, ... Rani ...' Raj replied politely. After a few seconds he continued as if to himself ...'but there is something ... prettier than you ... Darling!' Then he just walked off. Rani was stunned, she remained there some more time, then slowly walked back home. She looked thoughtful... not sad, not happy ... so close to her soul!
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Rani was all the more filled with respect and love for Raj; she could not but succumb to the powerful flow of her mind. ' ... something prettier than ... you ... darling', was echoing in her.... She saw only one face, heard only one voice ... Raj!
Rani now looked a different person, disinterested in everything, ... she did not go to college regularly and was often found in her room thoughtful! She did not feel like eating, talked the least, even with her friends, did not like other's company. She... began to forget things that she used to do, missed the pattern of her days, the time to sleep, wake up, eat... Everything around her lost their order and priority!!! Rani's mind, intellect, sight, hearing ... were filled with Raj, she was saturated... and there was no place for anything else...!
She wondered if she were going to die....
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One day Rani told her mum plainly, in a troubled tone ... 'Mum, I don't know if Raj will marry me... I can live without marrying him, but I should see him..., I need his company ...' She continued slowly, softly, her eyes half-closed as if in a half-conscious state '... He ... he feeds my soul ...' Two drops of tears trickled down her eyes....
They... fell on the floor and disappeared...
Her mother was perplexed. She tried to console her in whatever way possible... '... who knows Raj won't marry you... Rani, dear; or he dislikes you;... probably it 's your imagination; you are too anxious about him...' That consoled Rani...
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Rani was growing up in her 'piety'! Everyday during Mass, she would be watching Raj... and that was the happiest part of the day for her.... She perceived a special liveliness, some haunt of divinity about Raj, especially when he was coming away after the Mass. '...probably here lies the clue to that something prettier ...' She thought ... Her heart was leaping.. to Raj; she was trying to imitate him in every way possible. In fact it was a lot more than 'imitation'. ... Rani was getting shifted to a new track - which was capable of harmonizing her whole life - she too was receiving daily communion, ....
She experienced a big vacuum in her being filled, ... and realized the waves of her problem-filled life keeping some kind of a timing ....
Rani became surer about the harmony abiding in her .... And occasionally she would be brimming over with joy, which she had never experienced in her life... she felt so light and sweet ... thought she could even fly about like a bird, singing and dancing .... 'Yes, Yes...' she cried out with joy, 'this is really prettier than ... everything else ... Beautiful!!' ... She fumbled for words capable of conveying what was in her; They were Beyond! From beyond!! Beyond the Blue Sky!!
All her problems, fear, anxiety, worry, uneasiness... 'vanished into the thin air'
Rani started getting that blissful experience oftener ... And she moved onward.
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A few weeks later, one day, she went to the Public Library; she knew Raj would be there in the reference section .... She took the nearest chair to Raj ... He did not look up; he was so much immersed in reading ... not aware of the surroundings....
Rani was more than happy; she looked straight at his face; that inner harmony was overflowing.... She closed her eyes for a moment as though to enjoy that joy to the full! Minutes - her time(?) - moved on ... without asking her permission!!
Her eyes were still on his face ... A beautiful smile bloomed on her face. She looked extraordinarily pretty - prettier than herself ... like the moon in her elegant, powerful and splendid attire .... Rani in her soft voice whispered out ... 'Raj ... Raj ...' But he didn't hear... She touched him on the shoulder and called... 'Raj ...', in her sweetest voice... Raj then lifted up his face; his eyes met hers ... four eyes ... converge... at a single point, of absolute harmony and bliss. They knew/got themselves to the full, and its sweetness...
Though they were two persons, neither of them seemed full/whole,... without the other. Was not there some sweet encroachment - like that of the sea on the shore, embracing and caressing the shore!!!
Raj was happy; his expressions were as if he was expecting her. He smiled ...; his face blossomed into a beautiful flower ... and its fragrance haunted both of them, and the surroundings. A few words were just dropped out of his mouth, so naturally like dewdrops from the leaves of a grass in the field, on a fresh morning... 'You... are... now that Beautiful... Rani!' Rani added, 'through ... You ... alone ... Raj'. Like a child she cried out with joy '... Beautiful, beautiful ... too beautiful ... Raj, you are wonderful' After a pause, looking up into the sky, she continued as if to herself 'My whole life is becoming ... a Merry Christmas...'
A few more seconds had passed when Raj said: 'You too have achieved that Rani... Hearty Congratulations!' Rani filled up that sentence '...we shall live enjoying and spreading that bliss around us. Bliss that is beyond our flesh, mind, intellect, ... Beyond Everything!'
There was an expression of joy, fulfillment... and achievement on the face of Raj
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Next day, early morning, soon after the Mass, Rani was looking for Raj... (she knew he was the most beautiful then). To her surprise Raj also was looking for her (he knew Rani was the most beautiful after receiving Holy Communion)...
That was a pleasant morning. They walked slowly along the road talking, and reached a small island.... There were plenty of coconut trees and a number of other mighty trees and bushes there. Thick growth of green grass made beautiful carpets for them.
The sun was just rising up. Different species of birds were flying about chirping. And the two 'fairest creatures' of God were walking around that place - - - talking, laughing and smiling. Everything was beautiful ...
Was that not the paradise God created for Adam and Eve!
After a while they sat down under the shade of a tree... side by side ... Then Raj looked deeply at Rani's eyes, smiling ... and he asked her '...Rani, when shall we get married?' ... Rani was too full of joy that tears trickled down her eyes.
... Rani heard Raj whispering in her ears... 'Le us receive holy Communion daily, and then we will know and enjoy ourselves best; and its sweetness will never evade us'